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Why do we go through Conflict


Why do we go through conflict 

Our Father disciplens us...

Our Father Allows conflict to happen...

We don't listen to our Father...

Satan causes trouble in our lives...

When we are feeling Unloved

Feeling his presence...

Praying in Tongues

Listening to him...

Talking to him... 

A personal affirmation... 

Love your enemy

Why do we go through conflict

"7 I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things.
8 “You heavens above, rain down my righteousness; let the clouds shower it down.
Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness flourish with it; I, the Lord, have created it.
9 “Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker, those who are nothing but potsherds among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’ Does your work say, ‘The potter has no hands’?"
(Isaiah 45: 7-9 NIV)

"The Scriptures speak of three major categories of "trouble" for the believer: 1) discipline, judgment, or rebuke from the Lord; 2) tests, trials, and suffering; and 3) temptations or attacks from Satan. So when trouble comes, what type is it? Some kinds of trouble can be avoided and some cannot. Each requires a different response from Scripture! So how can the type of trouble be discerned? Is this God directly moving to correct me, or is this persecution for His Name, or is Satan behind the trouble?

Getting Away With Sin?
Those who are able to consistently sin and not be rebuked by God are not His children. Those who have been born again are seized by deep conviction when they sin, and if they do not repent they are always "spanked" by God for it. Is this true in your life? Do you pass the family test?"
 (The Discipline of the Lord)

Everything happens for a reason. Our Father is in control regardless of how or what we think (Ecclesiastes 3 NLT).

"5 I am the Lord, and there is none else, there is no God beside me: I girded thee, though thou hast not known me:
6 That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside me. I am the Lord, and there is none else.
7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things.
8 Drop down, ye heavens, from above, and let the skies pour down righteousness: let the earth open, and let them bring forth salvation, and let righteousness spring up together; I the Lord have created it.
9 Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou? or thy work, He hath no hands?"  ( Isaiah 45:5-9 KJV)

The above shows that the Our Lord has complete authority over everything. He did not create robots. He wanted us to trust in him and do his will not because we have to, but because we want to. He gives us hope and comfort in our day to day lives. It doesn't matter who we are, we all go through trials. Christianity is not about avoiding conflict, but acknowledging and dealing with conflict in a Christian way. Our Father knows us more than we do.

"You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. Psalm 139:1-4 (NIV)"

"The Bible reminds us over and over again of the comfort and peace that comes from being known and loved by God. We are truly known and perfectly loved, even more clearly and truly than we know and love ourselves! In fact, it is often quite difficult for us to know ourselves well, to discern clearly our longings, needs, and deepest desires." (

There are a number of reasons why conflict happens in our lives...

I’m sure you it has happened more than once where someone has said something or done something that has really upset you. We are not perfect. We are only human.

Mostly it is us and not Satan that creates problems. We are often our own worst enemy.  

Most times people do not say or do things to each other out of malice or hatred.

Most times we act out of ignorance or misunderstanding.

Our Father disciplines us... (Hebrews 12: 4-13 NIV)

4 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”[a]

"7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13"Make level paths for your feet" so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."

Our Father allows conflict to happen...

To test us in our faithfulness. Just as Noah, Job, Jesus, Paul and others were (1 Peter 1:7, James 1:12-22 NIV). Our father is with us and carries us through unavoidable stuff that is done to us by others. Satan will come and deceive and rob us of our relationship with our Father as in the garden of Eden and Jesus in the desert. Our own desires give way to Sin. Our selfish pride and ego will consume us.

To strengthen us and allow us to learn from our experiences (2 Timothy 3:16 ESV). The Mind, Body and Soul needs stress to function properly. Our bodies change as we get older, we explore the world around us, we make mistakes and learn that we are not the centre of the universe. It's how we adapt to life that makes the difference.

To have compassion for others and be able to support them in their time of need (2 Corinthians 1 3-11 NIV). We don't care until we have been there. It is only when we have been through the same experiences as others we then have a greater understanding of their needs and are less likely to judge them.

Our Father gives us what we need, and not what we want...

"7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." (Matthew 6:8 NIV)

Aren't we sometimes like a child in a candy shop. We want that, and that, and that, and that, and that... and our Father says "NO" because he knows it is not good for us. We pester him until we get what we want and our Farther gives in, but he knows we will suffer and hopefully learn through the experience.

We don't listen to our Father...

Our humanity takes over and we try to do things in our own strength.
We may think we are doing our Fathers will, but are we?

Our Father knows what is best for us and gives us what we need and not what we want.
We may want a new BMW or Porsche, but do we need it? We may take his Love for granted and expect everything as a privilege or right.

Satan causes trouble in our lives...

"9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing." (1 Peter 3:9)

There is unhealthy stuff happening in our lives that cause conflict that need to be removed.

Conflict is mostly about a person refusing to see or understand another persons situation or point of view.
Where we work, our relationships with others, what we eat or drink all have an impact on our lives.
Any interaction with others will result in some form of misunderstanding or difference of opinion.
We may have...
A Religious Spirit
An Unhealthy Soul Tie
A Generational Curse
A False Teaching
A False God
Or any number of other things happening in our lives that we are not aware of.

We may think the whole world is against us and use religion as an escape from our troubles.
Learn to recognise the trouble or unhealthy spirit in your heart and let it flow through you.
Renounce it and focus on the good things in the situation.

When someone says or does something to us we have the choice to …

React with our EMOTIONS (ego, pride, arrogance etc.)
Respond in LOVE (respect, kindness, humility etc.)

When we or the other person is stressed we/they are more likely to react rather than respond. Our brain processes information differently under stress.
We all pick up feelings from the person/people we are talking to.
Often it is not what the other person says, but how it is said both verbally and non-verbally.

What are our buttons that others push that make us react and not respond? (See Our Buttons)


When we are feeling Unloved 

We are all a work in progress, there is nobody who is perfect. Anybody that tells us differently is a liar. Jesus shows us how we should live our lives. The more we try to be perfect in our own strength the less likely it will happen. All that happens is that we judge ourselves and others by our own standards. We become proud, demanding, self righteous and self seeking, as Satan wants us to do. So just relax and let God's will be done in your own life and others. Don't aspire to be something you are not. Accept and Love your self for who you are and others as they are.

We all struggle with our relationship with our Father at one time or another. This is normal. Our day to day living can be very stressful and takes a heavy toll on us. We live in this world and the worldly things can take us away from our Fathers Love. We lose our Peace and Love for others. We need to let go of those unhealthy emotions in a positive way or they will destroy us.

Jesus was no different. He had human emotions and weaknesses. His ministry was very demanding. Jesus needed to spend a lot of time at the Mount of Olives and other places in Prayer with our Father. Jesus' solitude and silence allowed him to recharge his batteries, deal with troubling emotions like grief, anger and frustration and to make important decisions. It's how he taught his disciple, even they had their own struggles. They were not perfect, and they did not pretend to be.

Are we any different? There is a lot of negative energy in the world. The only way to get into that special place is to be away from the world with all of its demands. If you can't find that special place, don't stress. Just relax and think about all the things that you have been blessed with, with a thankful heart.

We all go through times when we feel unloved or rejected. We all have our own hopes and desires, our own misfortunes, our own ways of coping with our day to day lives, and to some extent our own beliefs about God change according to our needs at a particular time.

Unhealthy stress can sneak up on us without us realising it. Like the straw that broke the camels back stress can slowly build up until something happens and totally breaks our Spirit.

Some emotions that we may experience when we have been hurt...

Offense/Anger/Resentment. We may think that it's their fault. Remember, if we can't Love others for who they are, it's our problem not theirs. We need to forgive them and ourselves.

Sadness/Guilt/Depression. We may think that it's our own fault. Remember, if others can't Love us for who you are, it's their problem not ours. We need to forgive them and ourselves.

Overwhelmed. Feelings of being consumed, burdened, unable to find peace.

Denial. We may avoid the issue or problem and hope it just goes away. We may develop a strategy that allows you to live with the issue.

Rebuilding & Renewal. We may find that accepting the situation is spiritually and physically unhealthy and reach out to others we trust and to God in Prayer because we have nowhere else to go.

Acknowledgment, Forgiveness & Confidence. We acknowledge our sin. Father, please forgive me for I have sinned. We begin to have confidence to forgive ourself of our sin, and the sin of others against us, and reach out in Love. We pray for them and look for the good in others that have hurt us. Sometimes this may take months or even years to forgive them."14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:14-15 NIV).

Restoration. We may feel that the burden has been removed.

When we are feeling unloved we can talk to our Father...

Feeling his presence...

Above all else, Don't persecute yourself or others, Jesus has already done that for you and them.

And feel relaxed. We all have stress in our lives without noticing it, we can't function properly without stress. It's only when something comes along that is greater than we can bear that trouble happens. We have all been there. Take some deep breaths. Try to focus on something positive.

It's ok. Give yourself permission to be angry and upset just as Jesus did. Jesus felt all the human emotions that we do. Be open and honest and learn to recognize them. Learn to accept them. Learn to understand them. It's only then that God can do anything about them.

God has already given us the tools to endure emotional pain. God gave us a way to let go of our unhealthy feelings, anger, deep sadness etc.. We cry out in tears which releases oxytocin and other hormones. Tears are God's way to detox our Spirit, Mind and Body of stress, sadness, grief, anxiety, and frustration. We also need to be in the company of people we trust. We need to be able to share with others without judgment. We need to be able laugh and smile. We need fellowship with others.

Prayer and Fasting is also an important way to remove the rubbish from our Spirit, Mind and Body. It allows the Spirit to heal and teaches us self control. This allows us to properly focus on God's word.

We need to be in a quiet place away from the world. We need to be able to reflect on what we have and not what we don't have in prayer and meditation. Mostly, we need to be able to focus on the good things he has given us with a thankful heart. We need to focus on him and what he has given us, and not what we want "Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.". (Matthew 6:8)

Praying in Tongues
I personally feel that Jesus warns us of being to Religious in our spirit as Jesus told the Jews in the parable of the "Good Samaritan".
I feel that here is no formula or prescription. We all have our own journey in life and I don't think there is any right or wrong way. Let us be led by the Spirit.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." (Romans 8:26 NIV)

It is only through a genuine unconditional Love for others that comes from our father that leads us...
"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." (1 Corinthians 13).

I think Creflo Dollar makes some good points...
"3. But you, beloved, build yourselves up [founded] on your most holy faith [make progress, rise like an edifice higher and higher], praying in the Holy Spirit (Jude 1:20, AMPC)."

"We make progress when we pray in the spirit.
When we pray, we must not make our prayers legalistic by thinking we must pray at a certain time and a specific amount of time each day.
We can instead pray whenever we are led to pray."

Deeper Dimensions to Praying in the Spirit By Creflo Dollar

"21Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.
22And of some have compassion, making a difference:
23And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh."
(Jude 1:21-23, KJB)

Below is an extract from "4 Different Types Of Tongues" (

Private Tongues type 1
1st Corinthians 14:2

Now this is where it begins to get Powerful. The Apostle Paul is telling us that when someone speaks in an unknown Tongue, he is speaking mysteries in the spirit. Now, if someone understood the language that the speaker was speaking in, then it would not be a mystery because somebody would understand it.

Speaking in unknown Tongues is the only way that you can edify yourself or build yourself up in the spirit (1 Corinthians 14:4). Jude says in his epistle that we must build ourselves up on our most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost.

My question has always been, how do you do that? Praying in unknown Tongues is how you build up your most holy faith.
You’ll always find that Saints who pray in unknown Tongues for extended periods of time, are always on a high level when it comes to their walk with God and revelation of the things of God.

Another observation of mine over the years is that those who do not speak in unknown Tongues also do not move in the nine gifts of the spirit, and if they do, it’s on a very very limited basis.
I could speak more on the subject of unknown Tongues but I have created a few videos on the subject so I will put the link at the end of the article.

Private Tongues type 2
Romans 8:26

Now, this is when the Apostle Paul is speaking about how the Spirit makes intercession for us with groanings that cannot be uttered. This type of Tongue, also personal, is what is done in private.

When you are praying in unknown Tongues, sometimes the Spirit leads you into deep intercession and the Unknown Tongue turns into a grown. This is when you know that the Spirit is interceding for you or for someone else.

Listening to him...

Our Father will communicate his Love for you in any number of ways. It takes time to learn and understand his ways. We need to be in a quiet place and remove our spiritual static to tune into him.

I have also experienced times when God is not happy about what I am doing in my own self- righteousness. He will set up a road block or put obstacles in my way to slow me down and make me think about what I'm doing. Has this ever happened to you?

Talking to him...

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone, but our Father is there with you and shares your grief. Know one else knows your pain as you do. God is your Father and Protector. You have a personal relationship with our Father through Jesus Christ. You are nothing without him. He already knows your burdens and wants you to share them with him. He loves you unconditionally and he desires to be a part of your life.

When you are troubled and feel unloved you can tell him your troubles. You can write him a letter releasing your pain. Tell him everything. You can tell him what happened and how you felt, the anger pain and bitterness (Book of Job NIV). You can let it all out because he wants you to give him your burdens, and you can trust him. When you come into that special place you can ask him to forgive you for your sin AND most importantly ask forgiveness for those that have hurt you, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34 NLT).

This opens the door for forgiveness, healing and restoration in your own life and the lives of others. Once you are in that special place and have forgiveness in your heart you can then ask our Father to show you how you can Love others as you are Loved. He will tell you.

Just remember that God is always with you, even when you are not with him. He is always with you. And be careful in what you feel, hear or do. If it is full of self-righteousness, negativity, criticism, judgment, complaint, pride or ego etc. it is NOT of God. Throw it away and don't listen to the feelings or person. You can rebuke that feeling or person in Love as Jesus rebuked Peter (Mark 8:33 NIV). 

A personal affirmation...

"I am of God and the Holy Spirit lives within me."

"I am patient and kind. I am not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. I do not demand my own way. I am not irritable, and I keep no record of being wronged. I do not rejoice about injustice but rejoice whenever the truth wins out. I never give up, never lose faith, am always hopeful, and endure through every circumstance."




Love your enemy 

"You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time" (Poet John Lydgate as made famous by Abraham Lincoln).

It doesn't matter what we do in life there is always going to be The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. There will always be others around that are intent on destroying our lives. There are the vain, the bitter, the downright obnoxious and others that just don't Love themselves or others. Jesus never said that he will remove these people from us. But he did say he would protect us from them.

 "44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matthew 5:44-48 NIV).

I remember I had a bumper sticker on my car, "Love your Enemies. It will scare the Hell out of them". I wish I still had it, it got lots of reactions.

To Love your enemy is show them grace and forgiveness. To pray for our enemy is to let go of the pain and suffering they have caused us. It gets us into the right state of heart and mind so we don't retaliate and act out of self-righteousness, revenge or retribution (Matthew 5:38-42 NIV). How can we curse someone when we pray for them. "36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." (Luke 6: 36 NIV).

It's easier to pray for people that we don't meet all the time. Its really hard to pray for people that we have to be with on a daily basis. At school, at work, the gym or any social gathering there will be someone you wish would just go away and leave you in peace. It can be difficult to Love them.

"9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9 NIV).

How do we know if God is not testing our faith just as he did with Job (Job 1:6-12 NIV). God will give us only what we can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV). Let us be a witness of God's Love to them (Matthew 5:16 NIV).

"Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Closer" (Machiavelli in 'The Prince').

It's only when we get close to our enemies that we have a chance to get to know them. We can find out what makes them tick. It's only then we have an opportunity to learn how to Love them for who they are. They may have stuff in the closet that they can't let go of, maybe we can help them let go.

When you are working with a difficult person...
Ask God how to Love that person.
Be positive and don't grumble or complain.
Be Patient, Kind, Forgiving and and don't Judge.
Find something good about the person and praise him/her about it.
Do something for that person that they don't expect.
You may be surprised about what happens.

Try to be their friend without judgment
.Listen to what they are saying.
Let them finish and ask questions about what you don't understand.
Ask them how they are feeling about something they said.
Show some compassion. You can share some of your own experiences with them.
Sometimes we can't do anything for them.

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.
Shouldn't we Love ourselves as we are Loved?
Is that person there for a reason? Why did God put that person into my life?
Is there something in myself I need to change so I can Love others?
Was I offended by what they said or did to me?
Was I physically abused?
Does the person know that they have offended/abused me?


"8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. 9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9 KJV).


"Submit Yourselves to God

4 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. 4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud
    but shows favor to the humble.”

7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." (James 4:1-10 NIV)

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